There. I said it out loud. I printed it. Noticeably. And no one can take it away from my website. You can’t require it. You can’t request it. You can’t insist or demand it. Nope. It’s right there for the entire world to view and take notice.

I was going to make a comic book about a 15 year old kid that wanted to change the world. But it’s not going to be profitable and it’s going to be a complete and utter failure. Why? Because God told me to do it. That’s why. See when I do things for God I either have to become a slave to the project and put my own time and energy and talent into a ridiculous spiral of manipulation and piss poor management, or I just give up on the whole thing and quit. It has no value, no enduring legacy, no real purpose. Sure it sounded great but things happened or didn’t happen and now I don’t care.

I don’t care.

I really don’t and I don’t want to do.

“That’s the enemy lying to you, Greg. Push thru it, spend the remainder of your savings and make it work.” Fucking bullshit. But they’re right it is the enemy and he is lying to me and for what it’s worth a lie is better than false pretenses that it’s going to be great. It’s not going to be great. It’s gonna sit in a box on my floor in my room just like The Winkles and all I’ll get to do is hand out copies ’cause no one is going to show up and help me sell the fucking things. Yeah, I’m mad. I’m pissed that I put my trust in God once again and it went no where. “Ask and it’ll be given unto you -” is a complete load of shit if I ever heard it. “Have patience. God is at work opening the door for you” What fucking door? The door to the outhouse in the street? Probably.

So I’ll give it one last shot at selling the comic book I’m proud of – the one people probably threw away when I gave it to them for FUCKING FREE. I thought those days of giving into the greedy was over with but I’m very wrong. The only thing that will fix this is getting a job so I don’t have to think of these stupid endeavors and pretend that I never said I would do them in the first place.

So now I have to get involved with some ministry at church as if my life wasn’t already a complete shit hole of a mess and pretend I want to waste time serving God with what’s left of my passion and ability. Whatever. At least I returned to my vomit and am back making items for paying customers (none of which are Christian for the record but the group of people they hate more than paying for one of my comic books – you guessed – the GAY COMMUNITY).

Yup, I’m back at it for now until I figure out how I’m going to pay off my credit cards and maybe flush out the shit in my holding tank on my trailer before it freezes solid in the dead of winter. What a disaster I am. No don’t try to sell me a stupid SEO optimization bullshit thing ’cause I’ve fucked things up well enough on my own.

So that’s what’s new. Now a week before stupid Christmas my most hated holiday of the year. Not because of what it stands for or what it means but because once again – no family to speak of – my parents are both dead – my brothers are both dead (to me at least) and the obligatory “Christian” other side of the family are all dead to me as well. Guess I’ll make some sandwiches and hand them out to some homeless folks to make me feel at least half alive and wish them all a Happy Holiday so they get some bright idea I’m a lame as Christian that only acts Christian-like because I have to for the sake of the season.

Happy Fucking Christmas!